Two months later….

Well, it is has been two months since my last post.  What has happened?

– The first three weeks of January saw Jaime working his ass off and doing really well. The first three weeks of February basically reversed all that progress.  What? It’s a process.

– Obama was sworn in as our first black president. His speech made me cry. I still believe he will turn around our country, but what the hell is up with this stimulus package? Billions of dollars, my dollars and yours, are going to build roads and bail out banks… Well how is that going to help me? I mean, I understand these projects will give people jobs and money and they will buy stuff and go eat in restaurants and tip and will help local economies. But how does this help me?  Thats what we all want to know, right? Not in anyway that I can tell. So why did Obama not use at least a little bit of this next $800 billion to send us all a stimulus check?  Send me $2,000, Mr. President.  I will use half of that to pay my credit cards and the other half I would spend. Instant injection of money into the economy.  Easy.  I’ll hold my breath.

– Madonna is embarking on a second European leg of her Sticky & Sweet Tour in Summer ’09.  I hate this. Why is she going back on the same tour? Madonna has never done this before. I believe its because she didn’t play many dates in European cities the first time around and also she knows she can make more money. To me this is just taking up another year and stalling a new album or any other new projects.  She also started fucking Jesus Luz. He’s young, hot and hung and I’m hoping Madonna is having lots of hot sex. Madonna + Hot Sex = The return of raunchy Madonna = Good music + Good videos, etc.  Already love the new W photo-shoot.

– Sean Penn won the Oscar for his portrayal of Harvey Milk in MILK.  I”m so happy he won, but I am still shocked that he beat out Mickey Rourke, who everyone thought was going to be the shoe-in. Dustin Lance Black also won for best screenplay and his acceptance speech was beautiful.

Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna and should be banned and blacklisted. 

Jaime went to Tahoe for some intense relaxation at David Wally’s hot springs resort. It was so to get away for a few days just to relax and have fun. I got the best deep tissue massage by a guy named Jeff that could remember every single dream has ever had. He could even remember breast feeding at nine months old, his first memory. We talked spirituality, writing, politics, religion, the body, city life vs mountain life as well as 2012. 

– Jaime is strongly considering the Peace Corps again. I started an application about two years ago, but I was not ready in any way to join back then. But now I think I am. I’ve even written a pros and cons list, in which the pros list was about four or five times longer than the cons. I’ll write more about this soon.

Kelly Clarkson’s new CD, All I Ever Wanted, leaked on the internet and it is amazing!  Like, seriously, every track is great and there are a ton of radio friendly tracks on there. Check it out when it is released March 10.

– This countries economic crisis has forced stocks to take a dive.  That has made me to open an E*Trade account.  Buy low, sell high, right?

Hmm, what else? I am sure there is more, but I’ll write about it when I think of it.

February 25, 2009. Entertainment, Madonna, Me Me Me!, Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

Changes, but no resolutions

Ok, ok, I’m thinking the same thing: What is the point of this blog if I never post or update anything? I know I only have like two regular visitors, Mike and Carla, and the occasionals like Karl, Catherine and Amy (Kim), but I might actually have more if I put some real effort into this.

The truth is, I have been unhappy and lazy. I have not really been in the mood to blog or write or do anything in the last couple months so that is why there has been minimal action at StrangeCandy.

Also, this blog has been kinda muddled. Originally under the name of Confessions of a Neurotic Stoner (I still love that title) I wanted this site to be a writing website where I would delve into the recesses of my mind and write all the crazy stuff I found. I think that was when I was in therapy…haha. Um…So it wasn’t that I didn’t find anything in those recesses, there is plenty. I just haven’t really dedicated regular set time to writing. Which is something I really need to do. I still love to write, though I don’t know if I will make a career out of journalism…at least the kind I have been doing as of late.

With the New Year I vow not to make resolutions, just some changes. I will continue with StrangeCandy, which I like, because it is just that, a bunch of random stories, pictures and videos I find on the internet all put together for some viewing pleasure. I mean, if anything my blog is a great way to waste some time.

In addition to StrangeCandy I am going to start two more blogs: One will be dedicated to my writing. I will take all the longer pieces previously posted on StrangeCandy and post them on the new blog, yet to be titled, just to start it off and I will add more stories and journal type writing.

The second will be a blog completely dedicated to weight loss. I am unhappy with my life and it shows in my body; I am unhappy with my body and it shows in my life. I’m fed up and I’m ready to change my life around. This may sound like a resolution to lose weight. It is not. My complete annoyance and frustration with how I have been living my life has come to a head and it is just by coincidence that it is around the New Year, a holiday I completely abhor. Its not about losing weight, but about becoming happy and not remaining comfortable in my self-pity and doing something to change my state of mind and being.

So, for you five people reading and anyone else out there, stay tuned. I plan to get started on these new projects in the next week or so and I will let you know when my new sites are up.

Merry Christmas and good luck with everything!

Jaime Boy

December 22, 2008. Me Me Me!. 2 comments.

Madonna from my vantage

Here are some pictures I took the first night I went to Madonna on the Sticky & Sweet Tour. I went with my sister Carla, my Mom and Bonita. When I’m at a concert I don’t generally take pictures because I’d rather just be in the moment and watch the show. So here area few pics I took just so people could see about where i was sitting.

On the second night of the show I had a better seat and there were four girls sitting in front of me. One of them was watching the show through her camera, literally, the entire show. She was so worried about having the show on her camera she basically missed it.

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November 23, 2008. Entertainment, Gay Gay Gay, Madonna, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

Me being kinda dumb and Procrastinating!

I’m not sure if there are any words for this.   This dedicated to Carla.

 

November 20, 2008. Entertainment, fun, Gay Gay Gay, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

Freaking out

My procrastination is getting the best of me.

I’ve out off too much for my two stories for the paper this week and now its all coming down on me. I can’t get the people I need to call me back. I have no real direction for my story. My questions in interviews are a little weak. I’m anxious and nervous. Am I representing the topic well, what do my interviewees think when we’re talking, am I representing the paper well, am I getting everything right? In addition to this I am trying to sell advertising. And I have an entire other story to do as well. I think it will all be ok. I hope.

And now, on top of all this I have to get ready to hob nob and network with professional gays and lesbians, A-Gays or Power-Gays as Eman and I like to say, and put forth an image of sanity.

I’m gonna vomit.

October 21, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!, Thoughts. Leave a comment.

The Vipassana Meditation Retreat (finally)

I have been back for a while from my Vipassana Meditation retreat and I still have not blogged about my experience. I have written extensively about in my journal, but haven’t taken the time, until today to translate at least a little bit of the experience to this blog. It was a very intimate and personal experience, and I have been home for a while and have told the story, like, 100 times, so I won’t go into every detail, but….

The Vipassana meditation retreat was amazing. I definitely feel the experience changed
me. The no talking for nine days was the biggest challenge and
biggest pleasure of the experience. It was just so
great to be there, silent and cut off from the world.
I did not care what was going on. No friends no
family, no cell phone or email. I loved it. We
were in the woods, and I love nature to no end, so it
was just delicious to be secluded and to work on my
self.

The no talking: I am a person who talks a lot and my sense of humor
is not dark, but sarcastic and witty and at times it
can be mean and a little vicious…..a lot of which
came from not my desire to be funny, but my own
unhappiness seeping into my words on to others. So
not talking for nine days really made me analyze what
i was saying and the way i talked to others and the
affect that my words have on other people. Since i
have been back i definitely think before i speak. I think the experience has just made me a little more aware of myself and how I treat others. I don’t want be mean or hurt anyone’s feelings. I can honestly say that I am a little nicer than I was before I left. I
am a lot more at peace with my self and that shows in
my interactions with others. I am not so quick to say
a snarky, bitchy comment under the guise of humor.

This has taken me a long time to work on, but it took the retreat to really take affect.

There were about 130 meditators in my retreat and the men and woman were separated. So I spent the 10 days with about 30-45 men. There were way more women than men. It was so surreal to spend so much time with these guys without ever speaking with them. We ate together, meditated right next to each other, walk the paths, shared the bathrooms and past each other in the halls with no words or or gestures or even much eye contact. And although there was such limited contact, I felt so connected with the men. It was a very intimate experience to through with these guys and at the end of it I felt like I know all of them.

In fact, I made up personas/characters for about 20 of them. At meal times we would all sit together and I would think about my life and my path and spirituality and all that, but that would get old and when it did I would just observe. I would watch these men eat and I would watch them thinking about their own life and path. So watching them, i had to wonder, why are they here? They each have a story and their own reasons for wanting to take part in this retreat. I’m pretty intuitive and so I felt I just knew who they were in some way.

Some of the names I came up with were The Average Joe, he was just an average, slightly overweight dad who thought this would be a good experience, but quickly learned that it was not for him and he couldn’t bring himself to leave early. The New York Transplant was short man in his 40’s with tufts of hair coming out of his t-shirt, he had a deep laugh and looked like a no bullshit kind of guys. I had the Chosen One, who’s hair and skin were both golden brown, his back was always perfect straight and he was there for every second of every meditation. There was The Bachelor who I swore had to either be an ex-frat boy, a law student or from Boston. My second favorite was The Sensitive Cowboy, this man had a beautiful body, with the biggest strongest quads I’ve ever seen, strong masculine hands and he looked so manly, but his demeanor was so gentle and caring and he took every step slowly and with grace and precision.

My favorite of them all was The Grizzly Teddy Bear. Grizzly is a man with matted out of control hair with a bushy, sometimes dirty, untamed beard. He looks….grizzly. But his eyes tell a different story. Look into his eyes and you are lost. They look at you with such an overwhelming amount of compassion and kindness and love. We had a couple of strange, but wonderfully intimate moments. Just those moments when you get stuck in front of someone on a path and you look them straight in the eye and Grizzly would look right through me into my soul. He took the meditation very seriously and he just seemed like the most calm man I’ve ever met.

On the tenth day we could finally talk to each other and I didn’t want to! I was so content in my silence that i became so nervous to talk to these men that i’ve been spending so much time with. Not talking took away the pressure to make conversation or to be smart or funny, so to finally had to talk was daunting. But i did talk to them and i found out if i was right about who i thought these men were. My New York transplant was from the East Coast. The Bachelor hates frat boys and is not from Boston but he is a former law student. I never talked to Grizzly. I don’t know why…I guess i didn’t want to ruin my experience with him.

So its been a month. Slowly i feel like i am getting
back more and more to myself, which i don’t like. I
loved that first week back when i felt so zen and
peaceful, but that fades. But i always have
that experience with me and all that i learned while i
was there. And i can always go back and do another
retreat and i can always do the meditation at home.

I feel great about my experience and I am definitely well on my path in life and with my spirituality.

I think every single person i know could benefit from this experience. Its free and only 10 days…its change your life. Check out www.dhamma.org

October 15, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!, Spirituality/Meditation, Thoughts. Leave a comment.

Off to Meditate….

Ok, so in my quest for enlightenment, peace and a happier existence, I have decided to do something extreme. Well, its not so extreme, but for me this will be a doozy. I have decided to learn Vipassana Meditation. This is not the extreme part, the extreme part is that I am going to a ten day retreat to do so.

This morning I will be traveling with a bus load of Burmese meditators to North Fork, CA, near Fresno, to a retreat in the foothills of the Sierras. Here I will learn, along with about 60-100 other students the ways of Vipassana. Each day we will meditate for ten hours, not consecutively, and each day we will be given the next step in the meditation.

They say 10 days is the minimum to learn the meditation and reap some benefits.

This is not without sacrifice. For these ten days, I am required to observe Noble Silence. Yes, no talking for ten full days.

This scares the shit out of me.

I also can not write, read, distract others, touch others, touch myself, lie or kill anything. We will be eating only vegetarian meals and wake at 4 am.

I am excited and anxious about this. While I think I will gain a lot out of this, I think i have bitten off a little more than I can chew, as I don’t meditate at all on a regular basis, so I am going to try desperately not to freak the fuck out.

I could easily cheat and bring my ipod to listen to music and watch video, but I am not going to do that. The only cheating I am going to do is bring a journal. It is my nature to write and although the schedule is rigid and I probably won’t have time to do it, I am going to try to write a day by day account of my experience there.

I am nervous. I am thrilled. I am hoping to find some more peace and happiness.

I think this is the perfect time for me to do this. So I will be away until September 14. When I return I will share my experience with you all….

Pray for me and talk a lot for me….

…oh geez, I might implode.

To learn more about what I am doing go to Vipassana Meditation.

September 3, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!, Spirituality/Meditation. Leave a comment.

One month ago today

It was on July 30th that I moved into my fabulous new apartment, exactly one month ago today.

And what a change a month can make…

Madonna has launched her fabulous new Sticky & Sweet Tour.

The Democrats have taken over the world… Well, at least for four days. They have inspired us and given us hope.

And I am as happy as ever. I never knew how much a simple move could re-invigorate me. I feel great and am taking strides to becoming happier and healthier. On Wed I leave for a ten day meditation retreat. I won’t be able to talk to nine days. If you know me you know what a challenge that will be.

I think I could even take a shower at the gym. Now thats change…haha.

August 30, 2008. Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

Goodbye Richmond, Hello Marina

As of 4 pm on Wednesday, July 30, I am now a resident of the Marina District in San Francisco…keep all comments to yourself!

I lived in the Richmond District on Balboa and 42nd Ave for five years. I had around 15 different roommates over those five years and had lots of fun times and a few bad in that small, old apartment. I loved that place and spent a big chunk of time there but I was so happy to drive away from it for the last time.

Now the Marina is my home, and let me tell you: It is a whole different world out here. I think all the sun and botox these people get out here has warped their sense of self and reality. But thats OK, I moved to the neighborhood, not the people. The shops are crazy out here, Apple, MAC, very high end clothing, etc.

The only thing missing is a funky, cool coffee shop. That is what I will miss from the Richmond!

August 1, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

Six days: Wish me luck

I am moving in six days and here is my mess. Take a look and wish me luck.

And here some bonus footage of my trip home… This is Benitta, my Mom’s partner. Enjoy.

July 24, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

4th of July, Olive the Puppy, Wigs, Drinks, One Dildo and More

Earlier this month I went on my annual pilgrimage to my Mom’s house in the mountains to soak up a week of sun, pool and relaxation with my family for the week of 4th of July. I love these trips because it affords me an escape from San Francisco, a city I love, but a place I need to get away from and forget from time to time. After each trip I feel rejuvenated about life and all the possibilities waiting for me back in the city and beyond.

As always I take some pretty funny pictures and videos and love to share them here.

First of all, I have to get it out of the way. Mom and her partner, Benitta, got a new puppy named Olive. She’s cute and adorable and all that. So for all you dog freaks out there here is the obligatory gratuitous puppy video.

My sister, Carla, brought along her roommate and good friend, Amy. Amy looks like a Kim so thats what I call her. She also has a fierce crush on me and has even tried gluing hair to her chest and brandishing a dildo to win my affection. She has yet to be successful, though I do give her a little ray of hope here and there. What? Its always nice to be wanted.

Kim is a big fan of wigs, so she brought a few for us to play with. I think i had a little too much fun with them, especially the pink and black one!


The more we drink the funnier we get and the more attention we need, hence all the pictures and videos. Carla actually smoked pot and was a funny ass bitch. Of course we held our annual hand standing competition and I kicked Kim’s ass and reinforced what a big queen I am.



This is me in the green wig and Kim in the “Cougar.”

Benitta shows off her boobs.

My Mom. We love her.

Kim starring as “The Cougar.”

Each year we have an actual 4th of July Party. Carla and I don’t particularly like these because Mom and Benitta always invite over a bunch of people we don’t want to talk to, so we always just super drunk and separate from the crowd.

Carla had to pull Kim and to the side of the house to tell us that we were too drunk and to calm it down a bit. I didn’t what she was talking about, but I am later destined to pass out and someone took my favorite pair of RayBan sunglasses. Damn it.

Here are some excerpts…..Truth or Dare style.







We always have fun. Carla gets abusive, Mom get sentimental, Kim fingers the dildo and my voice gets gayer and gayer.

July 18, 2008. Entertainment, family, fun, Life, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

SF Gay Pride Pink Party 2008 Glory

Well, today was Pink Saturday, traditionally my favorite day of the year. It was a good day, but I’m home now at the horribly early blogging hour of 11.50 pm and i’m left wondering Have I out grown the pink party or has the pink party out grown me? Or… do I just start drinking too early and i just get over it too quick.

Every year I have the same fantasy that I’ll meet some dark hot man in the midst of the party that will whisk my off to some hot after parties and I’ll meet wonderful hella new men and i’ll have lots of dirty stories to tell. This never happens, of course. I usually start early and by, like, 10 I’m sobering and getting bored and I walk out of the party, always with the same empty feeling…

But I had fun while i was there!

The park was soo crowded!









Yum.

June 29, 2008. Entertainment, fun, Gay Gay Gay, Life, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

2006 vs. 2008

So these two queens from Palm Springs come up to SF for a week each year and always come to see me at Pasta P. And we always take a picture. Here is one form 2006 and then 2008. I think it is hilarious, as they are. Scot and Geoffrey are hella fun.

Scot can’t resist taking pictures of neon signs and Geoffrey compulsively photographs everything they eat. Art forms, really.

This year was the year we actually hung out and became friends. They kidnapped me and took me to the Tenderloin where we went to Kimo’s, a dive gay bar. This is where we met Warren, the bartender. Warren was very talkative and slow as fuck in making our drinks. We ordered a beer, a bloody mary and, of course, my margarita on the rox. He would tell us stories and literally just stop making the drinks.

He then told us that he loved to make Barbie clothes and take pictures of them to create a creepy comic book. Which is cool. I think the real creepy part is that he has all issues of the book on his cell phone for quick retrieval. We saw one legged Barbies getting fucked in the ass by a big naked Ken. Of course we couldn’t resist signing up for his emails of the doll book. I haven’t received my first issues yet, but I can’t wait!

Then Geoffrey, Scot and I went to Divas, a tranny bar on Polk. They were having a performance competition. Now, I don’t expect that much from my trannies, but for crying out loud, is it too much to ask that they lip synch through the entire song? Most of the girls pulled a Britney and stopped lip synching halfway through the songs. One tranny’s wig flew off and another was gyrating on the floor when she suddenly burst out screaming “Turn the fucking music up!” The three of us were on a stool right next to the stage and were rolling over laughing. Classic.

I met us with the boys again the next night and we went to Badlands. Scot became the best friend of a lonely, drunk gay man. It was kinda sad. But we had plenty of people to look at and, yes, make fun of.

Sadly the boys had to go home to Palm Springs. They are the funnest new people I’ve met recently, even though, in reality, I have known them for three years now… Yay!

Scot and Jaime 2006:

And 2008 (My favorite):

June 28, 2008. Entertainment, fun, Gay Gay Gay, Life, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

Vegas was…

…a total fucking bust.

I had been looking forward to this trip for a really really long time. I bought my plane ticket about four months ago. We were to stay at Mandalay Bay. So all I had in mind was laying the sun, drinking, swimming in their wonderful wave pool and lazy river, taking pictures and videos and drinking lots and lots. I was so excited and talked it up for months….

…and then three days before we flew to Vegas I started to feel it. Sick. My throat hurt and was raw, I was exhausted, mostly because I worked about nine days in a row to save money for the damn trip. I tried to stay positive. If I didn’t give into the sickness, it wouldn’t get worse, I thought.

I was wrong.

I got there on Thursday morning, popped some Dayquil and felt ok. We drank a lot of tequila and lied in the sun. We had a lot of fun that first day. I felt better and I though the sun and alcohol had killed whatever bug I had. We went out that night hit a bunch of the hotels, rode the roller coaster at New York New York, which was amazing, and hit a few bars. I was still feeling ok, but extremely tired.

I didn’t sleep at all that night, maybe three hours at most and I think thats where I went south. We all got up at 8:50 am to go down to our rented cabana and I just slowly started to deteriorate from there. It was 104 degrees and the sun was just getting to me and towards the night time, I knew I was really sick. I didn’t go to Pure with the girls. I just stayed in the room and took a bath and went to bed early.

I decided that if I was gonna be sick, I would rather leave a day early and be sick in my own bed in San Francisco. So thats what I did. I got back yesterday, ate some potstickers, watched a movie and passed out.

So that was my amazing Vegas weekend. I spent a shit ton of money, got really sick and only took one picture.

Oh well….

June 22, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!, Vegas. Leave a comment.

End the cycle today…

I need change like a motherfucker. I just received this from my sister. I think this rings true for more people than they’d like to admit.

June 5, 2008
Ending The Cycle
Start Today
One of the hardest things in life is feeling stuck in a situation that we don’t like and want to change. We may have exhausted ourselves trying to figure out how to make change, and we may even have given up. However, each day offers us an opportunity to renew our resolve and to declare to the universe that we are ready for change. We may even say out loud that we have tried and struggled and have not found a way, but that we are open to help, and that we intend to keep working to create change for ourselves. Making this declaration to the universe, and to ourselves, may be just the remedy for the stagnation we are experiencing. And, it can be done today, right now.

It is difficult to understand, even with hindsight, how the choices we have made have added up to our current situation, but it is a good idea to examine the story we tell ourselves. If we tend to regard ourselves as having failed, this will block our ability to allow ourselves to succeed. We have the power to change the story we tell ourselves by acknowledging that in the past, we did our best, and we exhibited many positive qualities, and had many fine moments on our path to the present moment. We can also recognize that we have learned from our experiences, and that this will help us with our current choices.

When we do this kind of work on how we view our past self, we make it possible for the future to be based on a positive self-assessment. This inner shift may allow us to get out of the cycle we’ve been in that’s been keeping us stuck. Now we can declare our intentions to the universe, knowing that we have done the inner work necessary to allow our lives to change. Allow today to be the day to end cycles and enter into a new way of being.

-Daily Om

June 5, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!, Thoughts. Leave a comment.

Hawaii 2008: Here comes the sun

Ok, so I am totally and shamelessly dragging out the story of my Hawaii trip I took with my family in February of this year. So, I posted the entry about the all the rain the first few days we were there and then the post extravaganza about our ziplining adventure….

Well the last two days that we were on Kauai we actually had some sun!!!! It was great.

The second to last full day we were there we traveled to the bottom of the island to a really nice beach. It was the perfect scene that I wish we had from the first day…the water was warm and clear, lots of people in the water out deep and it was just beautiful. Of course some dark clouds did move in a rain did fall but it didn’t spoil the time we had there…








And of course there were some hot lifeguards… and I tried to get some up close and personal pics:

For those of us that can not escape to the beach as much as we like, here is a little sample of what we are missing.




A rare glimpse of Benitta:

The last full day we had it was a super sunny nice day and we decided to just stay put and hang out at our resort, which was beautiful. On a sunny day our resort was awesome, so i was out there at like 7 am to claim a little island spot in the middle of the pool.

This is my favorite thing to do. Just laying in the sun by a pool or lake or beach and just drink and read my book.

This is the path from the fancy restaurant on the beach of the Hanalie Bay up to our resort:




And then finally, we had to go home. Benitta was in her usual airplane gear…

May 27, 2008. fun, Hawaii 2008, Life, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

A new Talky!

Hello.

So its been a long long time since i made a talky blog and I totally needed to procrastinate some shit so i thought this would be a perfect distraction.

May 21, 2008. Entertainment, fun, Me Me Me!, talky blog. Leave a comment.

Dr. Laura is a crazy bitch

When I’m in the bathroom brushing or showering or what-have-you, I always turn the radio on. Usually its Energy 92.7 during the day (and ALWAYS Coast To Coast AM @ night) but a lot of the time my favorite independent dance station plays the same old songs over and over again. When this happens during the day time and I get bored I switch over to 560 AM (which hosts Coast to Coast in the pm) and listen to that crazy conservative bitch, Dr. Laura Shlessinger.

The thing about Dr. Laura is, I guess she subscribes to the school of tough, tough love. She has a huge fan base that listen to her show every single day. They are the reason that she even has a show. But I swear to God, every time someone calls in she insults them. It feels like she thinks that she is better than all of her hard working middle American blue caller listeners that buy all of her books and guides and see her in person.

For instance, I was just listening the other day and a woman called in and said she and her husband had some friends over for drinks. While her husband ran out with everyone else and left her with some guy she didn’t even know, she started making out with the guy and now she feels horrible and wonders if she should tell her husband.

Obviously she fucked up. We know that. But she is obviously scared and nervous and she is calling Dr. Laura for some advice and perhaps a healthy dose of sympathy. The doctor straight up asked, “Are you stupid?” She asked the woman how she could do that to her husband, who she has vows with and is the bread winner.

This goes on. She verbally abuses every caller. I hate it…but I love it to. Like Hanson in the late ’90’s, listening to the doc is like a guilty pleasure.

I can’t help it. What’s wrong with me? I sometimes fantasize about calling in and making up some big story that she would hate…..

Any ideas?

May 19, 2008. Entertainment, Me Me Me!, scariness, Thoughts. 1 comment.

Hawaii 2008 Part 1

In the first week of February 2008 I went to Hawaii with my family. We went to Kauai. I took a ton of pics and videos, which I had always planned to share on StrangeCandy. But YouTube has been a bitch and I haven’t been able to load the videos…until now. So now i’m starting to share the story of my vacation along with the pictures and video…some are really fun. It’ll take a few installments.

Carla, my sister, came down to stay with me the night before we flew out to Kauai. I, of course, had work late and hadn’t even started packing until I got home from work. I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep, so i wasn’t about to let Carla get any sleep. So i put on some Kathy Griffin and got to it.

Here I am, obviously very excited.
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After a six hour flight we finally got to Kauai. It was muggy and raining lightly. We didn’t start to panic yet, because we knew it rained in Hawaii all the time, on every island. And we had even checked the weather and we knew it would be raining a little more than usual.

We were staying at Hanalei Bay Resort, it was super nice and we could see mountains and waterfalls out the back doors. There were pretty birds and all that. The grounds were just beautiful.
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Apparently Kauai is, literally, the wettest place on the planet. This island gets, like, 600 inches of rain a year!!! And, unknown to me and my sister, we were vacationing on this wet wet island right in the middle of its rainy season. Mom and her partner, Benitta, knew this and chose not to tell us.

We realized this fact the second day we were in the condo when there was torrential downfall rain. It was crazy. It was the day of the Superbowl and Benitta and I went with her niece, Belia, and her husband, Doug, who live on Maui and were staying with us for a few days, to find a bar to watch the Superbowl. A few minutes after leaving the grounds we got a call from my Mom saying the rain actually FLOODED our condo and then the power went out. So we had to actually switch condos. It was crazy. When we got back, almost the entire condo had water all over the floor.

This is my Mom, she was very excited when we finally got settled into our second condo.
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RAIN. Here’s a sample. The part where we’re in the car is when we were searching for the bar.

There is only so much rain we could take, so me and my sister were looking for something to make it fun. She came up with the great idea of the EXPERIMENT: to find out if we could slide down a wet, muddy hill in plastic garbage bags. This is actually her second attempt. She erased the first video i had because she thought it was just a bad picture of her…we had words about that.

This is Belia and Doug, you’ll see more them in future posts…
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One thing about this island is there are roosters EVERYWHERE.
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Finally, sun starved on the third day, we drove to the south, “sunny,” side of the island for some beach time.
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Driving back to the north side, we stopped by Waimea Canyon, the grand canyon of Hawaii. It was beautiful.
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And we got some ice cream. Apparently the place is famous. I don’t know about all that but the ice cream was hella good.
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That night me and Carla couldn’t sleep, so we had a photo shoot. It was super duper HOT:
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STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF HAWAII 2008: ZIPLINING!!!!! I’ve got tons of video of that….

March 31, 2008. Entertainment, fun, Life, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

Going a Step Further

This is my horoscope today from Astro.com. Interpretations?

A Step Further

Valid during many months: This quality of time can prove to be particularly advantageous if you understand how to make the most of what possibilities are available. You are firm, energetic and self- assured, and you feel less helpless and at the mercy of others than is perhaps usually the case. This gives you the chance to loudly and clearly admit to having those desires and needs that you have often not dared show, because of your feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. Nevertheless these needs exist, and during this time you have enough courage and self-confidence to acknowledge them and overcome the inhibitions concerned.

It is, therefore, a good time to tell someone about your feelings or desires. If at present you have a firm relationship, you can now talk to your partner about needs of yours which, for some reason, you are ashamed of. In short, the quality of time is on your side, if, for once, you want to act out of character without falling flat on your face. If you are prepared to risk taking such a step, you will observe that you by no means meet with a lack of understanding or a rejection; you may even, in this way, encourage your counterpart to come clean about things which he would not otherwise have dared to mention.

In sport, too, or in love, you could try something new today, or go a step further than you otherwise would. If you then see that your inhibitions or fears were groundless, you could also develop a perhaps more intimate relationship with your body as a result of this positive experience.

Independent of all that has been described up to now is the fact that this is also a particularly good time to undergo operations, acupuncture, dental care or some other procedure, or to begin such a course of therapy. This influence can significantly help you with all therapeutic treatments and physical challenges.

March 15, 2008. Astrology, Life, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was living in New York City and two friends from high school, who I haven’t seen for years and years, came to my apartment and said they know some girl that believed I was her babies daddy. Ummm….? So I went to her place and didn’t recognize her and I met her daughter and then she started asking for child support. I was like um, I’m a flamer, I’ve never slept with a woman. She swore I was the one. This girl was my age and I asked how older her daughter was: 15. So I did the math quick and if she was that age then she was born in ’93 and me and her mother were, like, 11 years old. So I said I wanted a blood test and I left amicably.

What does it all mean? It was cool living in New York…

March 13, 2008. dreams, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

Aaahhhhh…

Eman and Jaime Boy drunk at Catch a few weeks ago before the Kathy Griffin show. Geez, I’m looking weathered, my skin is lookin’ kinda rough. I need some microdermibration or some shit.Susan Lucci, where are you???ej1.jpgej2.jpg

March 6, 2008. fun, Gay Gay Gay, Me Me Me!. Leave a comment.

Insurance! Totally worth it.

So I have been really sick lately with this shitty flue that has been going around.  I knew that going to the doctor wouldn’t do much for me because, really, all I need is rest and lots of water.  But I haven’t been to the doctor in a really, really long time, so I thought it was time to go.  PLUS I finally bought some insurance a few months back and haven’t had the opportunity to flash my new, cool, pink insurance card.  I swear, it really is pink.

 So I went to the Kapla Medical Group   and it was the best experience ever. It was a very nice, clean office, the doctor was actually friendly and non-judgmental. And he actually spent about an hour with me. I was shocked.

This is quite a change from my last two medical experiences. The last time I went to a doctor I had to go to a free clinic in a side alley in the Civic Center. There was a scary homeless guy trying to show and tell me all about his big feather. Yes, he had a huge nasty feather. And, apparently, someone was smoking crack in the bathroom. Before this, a number of years ago, I spent a night at waiting room for the Emergency Room at San Francisco General Hospital. That was one of the scariest and moving nights I’ve ever had. I can’t go into everything that happened, but I’ll just say a homeless man that smelled like some serious shit took a liking to me because I gave him a cigarette.

Moral of the story: Get insurance!!! Its totally worth it. I got a really inexpensive plan that gives good medical and dental coverage. Mental health and vision is not their specialty. It’s Tonik with Blue Cross. Check it out.

February 28, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!. 1 comment.

World Bridges

In the past year or so I have been going through my “quarter-life crisis.” It has been two years since I graduated college and I have been kind of searching for what to do next. I have been looking for and applying for certain jobs within my field of journalism, to no avail. A lot of the opportunities out there are more part-time, internship type jobs, many unpaid or with just a little stipend provided. As of right now I still serve tables and I freelance for a neighborhood paper, The Castro Courier.

In searching for what to do with my life I have come up with many different life-plans. At one point or another I have considered moving to New York, Australia and Hawaii, joining the Peace Corps and Ameri-Corps, moving to Sacramento and Portland, joining a cult, and selling all of my stuff to buy a car and just driving around the country until I found something I like. But as quickly as I get excited about each of these plans, I just as quickly dismiss them for any number of reasons. So in sitting around trying to figure out something to do, I do so much searching and questioning that the years are going by and I haven’t done shit.

I let fear rule my life more than anyone knows.

Of all of my plans above I most considered joining the Peace Corps. I even have an active application to the program. But 27 months seemed to be a super long commitment to just throw myself into, and commitment is not one of my strong points. What I do know is that I want to travel, because I have done very little, and have yet to travel outside the U.S.

As an alternative to the Peace Corps, I recently applied and was accepted into a program called World Bridges. World Bridges is an organization based in Oakland, CA, dedicated to giving young people of color and from a low-income background global perspective concentrating on social justice. They give training on these issues as well as how to travel abroad, from simply how to exchange currency to assimilating into another culture and exchanging cultural differences during your stay. World Bridges gives financial support to participants so they can take part in a work camp in another country.

My friend Jackie took part last year and went to Kenya to work in a school for three weeks.

A couple dozen people applied and only ten spots were available for funding, while three more people became alternates. Alternates will get funding should someone in the main group drop out. I am alternate #2.

So this is a great opportunity and I should be super excited, right? I certainly was when I was applying. But now my fear and neurosis and anxiety are kicking in.

I was not able to attend the main group interview, so I did not get to get a feel of what the people taking part would be like. I went to the orientation last week and got to meet everyone for the first time. I was instantly uncomfortable.

First of all, this program is for young people of color. I am young, but these people are hella young. The ages of the other participants, from what I gathered from us just talking, are about 18-23. I’m turning 26 in a few days. I am also the only white person there, which is not a problem for me in terms of color, but as far as cultural involvement I was totally the odd one out.

Every single one of the participants are deeply rooted in their culture and community. They all work at organizations to improve and empower their community, mostly grassroots operations. They are all very passionate about what they do and all have very clear reasons of why they are taking part in the World Bridges program. They are all amazing….and intimidating in the terms of this program.

As I was listening to them speak and getting to hear some of their backgrounds, I did not want to open my mouth to speak. During my interview process I spoke about the volunteer work I did when I was in high school and my struggles being the only gay kid at a very small high school in a very small town. I was very passionate back then about what I was doing.

Um, but that was, like, a really long time ago. I haven’t really felt oppressed like that for a long time and once I went to college and became a big stoner, my volunteer worker status was switched to inactive and has never been flipped back since.

During the orientation we went around the circle and we had to say what our biggest hope and fear is about the program. I was honest with them. I said at that moment I was feeling very nervous and scared and intimidated. I said I was in a room with a lot of very passionate people and that I’m not even sure how I got a spot in the program. And I told them that my first instinct was to get the hell out of dodge. My biggest fear, I stated, was that my fear would take hold of me and I would quit.

So since that meeting last Saturday, I have been going back and forth with myself about whether I should drop out or not. I have come up with a million excuses to quit: the time commitment is tremendous, with monthly meetings and retreats and we have to complete 48 hours at an internship. Also I have to do a lot of fundraising to take part, since I don’t get financial backing. I’ve told myself that this will prevent me from moving to Hawaii, as I have recently “decided” to do and that it will prevent me, also, from finding that 9-5 job I haven’t been looking for.

But my real reasons for not wanting to continue in the program definitely go deeper than I want to admit. I’ve been telling myself in the past year that I’m bored and I want a change. Maybe I’m scared about how much this program is going to challenge me. People say all good change is almost always uncomfortable to go through. I mean, I was uncomfortable just sitting in the room with the other participants before the meeting started. I felt like an outsider, something I haven’t felt in a long time.

Maybe I don’t want to admit why I truly felt uncomfortable or am nervous about what I’m going to learn about myself and how that will change me. Maybe I am just too comfortable in my day-to-day life. Maybe I am just fucking lazy and don’t want to be disturbed. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

So, basically, I’m being a really big pussy, right?

I have told myself to stop psyching myself out. I’m very good at that. I do that a lot when I’m faced with big challenges. I psych myself out about it sooo much that when I finally convince myself to quit it will feel more like relief than guilt or disappointment and I will be sure it was the right decision. When deep inside I know, it was just the EASY decision.

Fuck.

I’ll let you know what happens.

February 27, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!, World Bridges. 1 comment.

Meditation Part I

Tonight I attended my first meditation at The Center. I guess I went into the meditation with some expectations. All week I knew I would be going so I had been thinking of things I wanted to meditate about. So I figured I would have a good idea of what I would do when I got there. Um, I was wrong.

So I meet up with my friend Eman. He is my meditation/seminar partner. We’re both Pisces, with our birthdays being only seven days apart, so we are a lot of like, with the same issues and quirks and insecurities. We’re both gay and will both be attending the Get Freed Up! seminar in L.A. in June together. We get some coffee and him something to eat and head over to The Center.

Both of us are nervous, which surprises me some. When you go into The Center you can feel the love oozing off the walls and most everyone there welcomes you with a smile and a hug, which is nice but awkward enough for someone as sarcastic and judgmental as myself. I welcome their love, but just don’t know what to do with it yet.

We arrive at The Center and shift around the room full of enlightened people. Our friend Julie is there, big bright smile and all. She greets us and instantly makes us feel more at home. Eman and I stick together and give out hugs as strangers approach. Finally it is time to go into the meditation room. Before that, Pablo, the center manager, gathers everyone and explains that there will be a little bit more of an intro before the meditation begins due to the fact that there are two people here have never been to a meditation before -as he gestures, smiles and points at Eman and I.

Fucking great. Now everyone knows how fresh we are.

The mediation room is a large room, maybe three times the size of my entire apartment. It is softly lit and fully carpeted. Tonight’s meditation is led by a man called Dove. Dove has a warm, comforting voice that could melt your heart. He is tall and soft and makes you want to be a better person. He gathers us into a circle and, because Eman and I are present, explains the process of the meditation.

There are five steps: Opening, when you get into all of your emotions and issues and really work the shit out, Calming, bringing yourself down, Thinking, when you jot down any notes you want to remember when you leave, and Resting, you simply lay on your back and relax. I forget what the last stage is called, but it’s basically the application of what you’ve realized/learned in the meditation in your real life when you leave The Center.

After this overview, Dove asks us to write down what we want to concentrate on during this evening’s meditation. I write that I want to work through the reasons why I don’t love myself as much as I should. That I want to catch my heart and soul up with my mind, that is to say that my head knows how amazing I am and how much I should love myself and the goal is to get my heart to understand that. I want to work through my issues of unworthiness. I want to let go of the past and let the future lie ahead of me, instead of worrying about it. I want to let go of my fear. Fear rules me more than anyone could ever know. I want to let go of my anxiety and appreciate what I have and not what I want, or think I need.

These are very lofty goals for a boy who has never meditated before in his life and isn’t even sure how to do it. But what the hell? Right? Gotta go for gold.

Finally, we all grab a spot in this huge room to meditate in. I hit up the back wall so that I will have support for my back and just to feel kind of out of the way and secluded a bit.

So we begin the meditation. All eyes are closed, the lights are low and music is playing. At first it feels calm. I have my eyes shut and I can feel my self sinking into me. It was a strange sensation. I knew my head was staying in the same position but I felt like I was upside down, almost doing spiritual back flips. Awesome, I’m on my way to self-discovery.

We are getting deep into the opening stage of the mediation. I feel my self getting emotional but nothing earth shattering. And then I start to hear the crowd come alive. There is crying and moaning. Soft at first, but then it becomes intense. There is lots of screaming. (They show us a method of screaming into a towel, which relieves stress, frustration, anger, fear and much more. I do it at work. It helps!)

The crowds outcry for deeper love becomes more intense when the music is at its zenith. The music, by the way, was not very encouraging. They were playing sappy songs by bands like Puddle of Mud and Creed, for crying out loud. A lot of them were upbeat. I wasn’t feeling the music. I need sad sad music to feel, ya know? Give me some Sia or Tracy Chapman, not Caribbean beats.

So I’m listening to all of these people moaning and sobbing and pounding on the floor and crying out. I’m wondering: “When the fuck is my breakthrough gonna come?”

All the while Dove is talking over the music, guiding us through the mediation. With my lack of tears I feel like he is speaking directly to me when he says, “If you aren’t feeling anything, invite change into you. If there is something blocking you, identify that feeling and concentrate on that. Ask for more. Invite change.”

I’m like, “I AM, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!”

Needless to say I’m getting frustrated. So I scream into my towel. I scream away my frustration and my fear. I scream to feel pain and I scream to feel love. And yet still no tears.

By now everyone is in full tilt boogey. The moans and sobbing and heavy breathing and pounding and crying out sounds like an orgy at times and at other time a midnight mass on the eve of the apocalypse. At moments it makes me almost burst out laughing. My lack of movement has become disturbing to me by now. So I begin to think of other things, including what I’m going to be writing in this entry and the fact that I had three delicious vegan chocolate chip cookies waiting for me at home. Deep.

I could feel Dove watching me. Well, my paranoia could feel it. At times I almost wanted to fake some crying and tears and moaning. When I was in high school my friend Janelle and myself used to fake seizures in our local Wal Mart for fun while our friend Norah videotaped. So I knew I could fake something, but I thought that would be contradictory to my goal. Plus you can’t fake puffy eyes.

We eventually move into the calming stage, which, for me, is not much different than my opening. Then we move to the thinking stage, when we’re supposed to write down things that came to us.

Of course, my paranoid ass thinks that Dove is concentrating only on me, so I write just to write. These are the notes, verbatim, that I wrote:

• I can’t switch shifts with Julie on Saturday.
• Why didn’t I have a connection like every single other goddamn person in this room?
• Should I come back next week?
• When the hell is Heroes coming back with new episodes? Damn writers strike.
• I am only writing so Dove thinks I had a breakthrough.
• I wish I really did have a breakthrough.

After the meditation both Julie and Eman came up to me with hugs and I could tell we weren’t on the same level. Both of their puffy sets of eyes told the tale of the tears they had shed. Tears I was jealous of.

Later Eman would tell me that at times he his experience felt like he was on Ecstasy, but at other times he was thinking about how much he needed to get a hair cut.

I spoke with a few people after the mediation and told them of my disappointing experience and they said that was pretty normal. Julie told me that her first meditation was exactly the same and she pointed out the fact that my issues were already starting,

“Look at the way your judging yourself,” she said to me. “You’re judging yourself on the way you meditated, telling yourself you’re not worthy of the meditation.”

Ok then. Next time I will meditate on one thing. The way I judge myself in meditations and other parts of my life and why.

And I swear to God, if I don’t cry and sob and have a freak attack, like everyone else, I’m going to fucking scream.

Into my towel of course.

January 11, 2008. Life, Me Me Me!, Spirituality/Meditation, Thoughts. 2 comments.

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